


suitcase full of stars

by aesria



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Space, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 09:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18149804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesria/pseuds/aesria
Summary: Jaebum needs time to find himself again, but time seems to always be against him.





	suitcase full of stars

Jaebum carefully inspects the leaves of the new hybrid plant, checking for any anomalies. It's an especially nutritious kind of wheat, and one that's adapted to grow well and healthy on Luyten's soil. One he helped modify. Until now, it's been hit or miss with most corps; the strangest thing is that tomatoes, possibly the most capricious crop they attempted growing here, are flourishing. Meanwhile carrots taste rotten no matter what he does.  


 

He can only hope the wheat will grow well. They need to start growing it outside soon; people are already sick of eating sweet potatoes for every meal. He sighs, moving onto the next patch where peas are finally starting to grow successfully. He leans over them to take a closer look— and then he jumps, feeling a pair of hands on his hips. He spins around, startled, though his heart already knows, and maybe that's why it's beating so fast— it's Jinyoung standing behind him, smiling brightly at him.  


 

Jaebum ignores the feeling of something in his chest swelling just a bit, like it does every time Jinyoung is close to him. He pulls his headphones off, the delicate sounds of the ambient music he's been listening to resonating between them. He always listens to music when working. Even though the sounds of the colony center rarely reach the glasshouses, it still helps him focus.  


 

Jinyoung's hands move from his hips to his arms, and Jaebum is torn between wanting to lean in to kiss him, and the urge to pull away, to save himself from another little heartbreak. He never listens to that voice of reason. But he doesn't kiss Jinyoung, either. He needs to his dumbass heart to calm down first.  


 

"Jinyoungie," he says softly. "It's good to see you."  


 

Jinyoung looks good, as always. It's been eight months since Jaebum saw him, but due to time relativity probably only a few weeks passed for Jinyoung; he didn't change much. Except maybe he's a bit broader under his favorite leather jacket. That's nothing out of ordinary, though. Space travellers exercise a lot to be able to handle different gravitational pulls on different planets. Jaebum knows that from his own experience.  


 

It's been a while since he left the Luyten colony, though.  


 

"You look great," Jinyoung says, his eyes crinkling as his smile grows, and Jaebum laughs lightly, suddenly feeling shy. He doesn't know if it's because he rarely sees Jinyoung these days, when he's actually around Jaebum is more affected by his presence than ever before.  


 

"I don't think so, I've been working here all day."  


 

"Isn't it time for a break then?" Jinyoung raises his brows.  


 

"I don't know." Jaebum frowns, turning around to look at the plants, their damp leaves shining in the artificial light. "There's always work to be done. And if I don't hurry— the vegetation period is very short, you know. The crops have to be ready soon or we'll have to wait until the next year to try planting them outside."  


 

Jinyoung hums. "Because of the sandstorms? Still, you can't overwork yourself. If you get sick, they won't be able to find anyone better than you."  


 

Jaebum laughs, shaking his head. "I'm sure there are many better educated people out there."  


 

"Educated doesn't mean smarter. Besides, it's like you can talk to plants."  


 

"Anyone can talk to them. It's more that I can listen to them," Jaebum says seriously, then he meets Jinyoung's twinkling eyes and gives him a light shove. "Are you making fun of me?! I'm serious!"  


 

"Of course. Bambam tells me you talk to the plants more than you talk to people."  


 

"It helps them grow!" Jaebum sulks, but it's only making Jinyoung look more amused. Like he hasn't teased Jaebum about that many times before. He never gets tired of it. Jaebum sighs and leans closer to him, taking his hands in his. He's missed him so much, even the slight contact makes his heart clench. "How long are you staying?"  


 

Jinyoung's smile falters. "Not long. We have a lead. Somewhere in Verde system. I'm here to resupply, we leave in a few days."  


 

"Oh." Jaebum's heart sinks a little, but he doesn't protest. Doesn't have the right to. He's the one who chose to stay here— they used to travel together, searching for the legendary Eden. But after seven years of fruitless exploration, Jaebum realized that maybe Luyten colony is humanity's new start, not some elusive miracle planet-ship. So he stayed to help. He used to hate the idea of working for the colony, used to think he was special, meant for bigger things.  


 

He was a very foolish child.  


 

"Then I guess it's time for me to take a break." Of course he'll find time for Jinyoung. It's natural for him to put Jinyoung first, it's always been like that, even back when he was far more headstrong and stubborn.  


 

Jinyoung beams at him and once again, places his hands on Jaebum's hips. Jaebum smiles back- and this time, he does lean in for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung, pulling him closer. He closes his eyes as their lips meet, listening to the humming of his own heart that seems to be louder than the music still coming from his headphones.  


 

———  


 

The viewing area is empty at this hour. It's at the end of a long underground tunnel that reaches into the desert; it was initially built to access an underground water source, the viewing area was added later to allow people to map Luyten's night sky. It's sufficiently far away from the colony for the lights not to outshine the stars. The telescopes installed here are 3D printed and not top quality but still better than anything Jaebum had access to on Earth. But it's not the starts Jaebum is looking at through the glass roof— it's the rings. Luyten is surrounded by three rings, all composed of ice crystals, similar to Saturn's rings back in the solar system. During the day they appear white, but at night they shine with the light reflected from Lio, the star Luyten is orbiting. The sight is breathtaking. Even after ten years of seeing them, Jaebum is not quite used to them. More than anything else, they make him realize how different Luyten is from Earth. How far from home he is.  


 

The home that doesn't exist anymore.  


 

He hears Jinyoung's steps on the ladder before he climbs out of the tunnel and approaches him. He turns to look at him— Jinyoung smiles at him. He's thrown his jacket over t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair is messy, his lips still swollen from kisses— and other things. Jaebum thinks he looks beautiful; so beautiful his heart clenches at the sight.  


 

"I knew you'd be there," Jinyoung says, looking up at the night sky.  


 

"There's nowhere else to be at night on Luyten," Jaebum replies with a shrug.  


 

"Don't you have a pub now at the centre? And a night club."  


 

Jaebum chuckles. "You know what I mean."  


 

"It's beautiful here," Jinyoung says softly, eyes swiping over the glowing rings. He wraps his arm around Jaebum and Jaebum sighs, leaning against him, relaxing into that familiar warmth. "But there are many other beautiful places."  


 

Jaebum hums. "I'm happy here." It's strange, but he is. He never thought that could be possible, he was always looking for something more, felt like he was meant to do more. But now he's content. He loves his job, he loves his friends. And— and he'd be even happier if he could openly love Jinyoung. But he understands. Jinyoung doesn't want to stay here, and that makes commitment difficult. They're best friends and they have sex, that's it. Even if they act like lovers, even if Jaebum loves Jinyoung more than anything— friends is all they can be. Jinyoung never told Jaebum he loved him. Jaebum whispered it a few times, when Jinyoung was asleep next to him, because it felt like he'd explode if he didn't say it. And he wants to think Jinyoung loves him too, but even if he doesn't, it's okay. All Jaebum wants is for Jinyoung to be happy.  


 

Jinyoung pulls back to look at him— his strong eyebrows are furrowed in a frown. There's concern in his eyes and Jaebum knows what he's going to say even before he opens his mouth.  


 

"Are you sure you're not settling?"  


 

They've talked about it before. And before, Jaebum still had doubts. He'd been told many times that he was the key, that the strange crystal inside him would one day grow strong enough to activate Eden. A core crystal is the only source of power that's both strong and safe enough for Eden to work. It's a crystal that grows in humans, powered by their feelings. There were more people like him, children volunteered— or sold— by their parents to the Eden Project, but they died when Earth was hit with supernova radiation. As far as he knows, he's the only one left.  


 

But when after years of searching he wasn't able to find anything, he concluded he wasn't that special. Jinyoung, a brilliant pilot and navigator, has a much better chance of finding Eden, and he doesn't need Jaebum's help. Besides, Jaebum doesn't want to keep chasing fairytales when there are real people who need his help. Maybe they don't need Eden. Maybe Luyten can be humanity's new home. As harsh as the conditions here are right now, Jaebum believes they can get better. He's determined to make them better.  


 

"No. I love my work. I love seeing Luyten change."  


 

"But... you used to dream big." Jinyoung doesn't sound convinced.  


 

"I have new dreams now, Jinyoungie."  


 

"Like what, farming?" Jinyoung teases him like that sometimes and usually Jaebum knows he doesn't mean it, but right now it sounds harsher than usual. His smile falters. He might be more at peace with himself now but that doesn't mean he's become a pushover.  


 

"Don't look down on my job," he says, narrowing his eyes. "And even if it was just farming, so what? It's equally important. We need it to survive."  


 

Jinyoung looks away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. What you do is incredible. I just meant, back then, you did heroic things. And you were different. More stubborn, proud…" he pauses, like he's searching for a word, and Jaebum smiles.  


 

"Angry?" he suggests, and Jinyoung lets out a short laugh.  


 

"I meant passionate but I guess that, too."  


 

"You liked me better then?"  


 

Jinyoung's eyes are intense on him, as if examining him, then his expression softens to something… gentle. Tender. It makes Jaebum's heart jump, the familiar hum of energy spreading in his chest. "…No."  


 

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his heart down. He used to think that flickering, humming sensation was purely emotional, just like heartache and other unexplainable feelings caused by love. But now he knows there's more to that. For some reason, his core crystal reacts only to the feelings he has for Jinyoung.  


 

"Then maybe you should believe me when I say I'm happier now. I still want to explore space," Jaebum looks up at the night sky, thousands of stars twinkling on it, billions more that can't be seen from here, so many worlds to explore, "but not now, when I'm needed here."  


 

"I believe you," Jinyoung's voice is soft and tinted with an emotion Jaebum can't place. "It's just that… I miss having you around."  


 

Jaebum waits for it. It happens nearly every time Jinyoung visits, Jinyoung asking him to come with him. This time, though, he doesn't ask. Instead he cups Jaebum's face and looks into his eyes with so much warmth that Jaebum feels like he might drown in it.  


 

And then he kisses him.  


 

It's desperate, almost rough, and it tastes like all the feelings between them that they have never voiced.  


 

———  


 

Jaebum laughs, watching kittens play fight each other on the freshly grown grass. It's a crisp spring morning, and Lio is shining brightly through a thin layer of white clouds, some of its warmth finally allowing the plants to grow after the long winter. The grass has adapted pretty well; it's different from the dry, brown plant covering a big part of Luyten's rocky surface. It's soft and familiar. And it can feed potential future livestock.  


 

The kittens are growing well too. There are seven of them, all healthy and very lively. They're all red or gray tabbies except for a single black one, a slim and tiny kitten named Mars. He was the smallest and weakest one of the lot, and Jaebum paid more attention to him than the others to make sure he grew up healthy. Needless to say, he's Jaebum's favorite now.  


 

He nearly cried when one of the people joining the colony last year brought a box of kittens with them. He was sure cats were gone along with Earth, but turns out a pregnant cat must have hidden on one of the rescue ships. Jaebum took it upon himself to take care of them, with the help of Youngjae, a doctor working with DNA samples they managed to recover from earth, and Bambam, who just really wanted to help.  


 

He's crouching on the ground petting Mars, the kitten purring and rubbing its head against his hand, when he hears footsteps approaching him. He looks up and his heart skips a beat— it's Jinyoung. He's smiling brightly and he looks like he's glowing in Lio's golden rays.  


 

He's not alone. Next to Jinyoung, clutching his hand and half-hiding behind him, is a small boy with big eyes and plump lips, not older than ten.  


 

"Cats?" Jinyoung says, looking fondly at the kittens playing in the grass. "Wow, I thought I'd never see one again."  


 

"The Earth's smartest creatures, of course they survived," Jaebum replies with a grin. "And who's that?" He looks at the boy; he's obviously shy and his eyes jump between Jaebum and the kittens; he seems torn between wanting to play with them and unwillingness to interact with a stranger.  


 

"This is Hyunjin." Jinyoung leans down with a smile and gently places his hand on the small of Hyunjin's back. "He wants to be a botanist, like you. Right, Hyunjinnie? Come on, say hi to Jaebummie."  


 

Hyunjin just clings to Jinyoung more, a small pout forming on his lips, his eyes fixed to the ground. Jaebum is awkward with kids— he never really wanted any— but he finds the boy adorable. And the way he seems so attached to Jinyoung already… he didn't even know Jinyoung was good with children.  


 

"Hey there," he says, tone soft. "Do you want to play with the kittens?"  


 

Hyunjin looks up to meet his eyes and nods quickly. Jaebum smiles at him.  


 

"Then come here, I'm gonna tell you their names, okay?"  


 

Hyunjin brightens up quickly as they talk about the kittens— he's excited to learn their names and he laughs when Jaebum describes some of their funny habits. Later, when Hyunjin is busy playing with the cats, Jaebum turns to Jinyoung, raising his eyebrows at him.  


 

"We found him on one of the space junk colonies." Jinyoung shrugs. "He tried to steal from me. Not very good at it though, and when I caught him he started crying. Turns out his parents died recently, from the radiation sickness. So I brought him here." Jinyoung smiles. "He asked me a million questions on the way. He's really interested in plants and animals so I thought maybe you could teach him…"  


 

Jaebum frowns. He's not sure it's such a good idea. Then again, he does have to teach someone eventually and it's not like he will ever have his own kids.  


 

He looks at Hyunjin; the boy is giggling, using his hand to play fight with one of the kittens, not bothered that he's getting scratched. If Jinyoung likes this kid so much…  


 

"Okay. I'll do it."  


 

Jinyoung beams at him and for a moment he looks like he's about to reach out to pull Jaebum into his arms and kiss him, but then he glances at Hyunjin and seems to decide against it. They have a rule, no shows of affection in front of others. Jaebum doesn't think Hyunjin would notice or care, but still, Jinyoung only pats his arm.  


 

"Thank you."  


 

Jaebum wishes Jinyoung would kiss him instead.  


 

 

 

He awakes to the feeling of strong arms wrapping around him, warm body pressing to his back. He doesn't need to turn around and look to know it's Jinyoung; he can tell by his scent, by the way he's holding Jaebum, the way his lips brush against his nape.  


 

Jinyoung smells like a mix of sweat, cologne and a strange, metallic scent, something Jaebum associates with space travel. And he feels like home. Back when they travelled together, they didn't have a place to call home, so for Jaebum home was their bed bunk and the warmth of Jinyoung's body next to his. He never stopped feeling that way, not even once he got his own place on Luyten. Jinyoung has always been home, ever since he can remember.  


 

His body naturally relaxes into the embrace and he almost falls right back to sleep but then Jinyoung whispers, "Are you awake?"  


 

Jaebum sighs. "No," he grumbles, voice raw and deep from sleep. He didn't even sleep that long, his hair is still damp from the shower he took before going to bed, and the work today was exhausting, so naturally he's very drowsy. Jinyoung chuckles, his warm breath tickling Jaebum's skin, and Jaebum's heart aches; he suddenly needs to see it, Jinyoung's smiling face. So he turns in his arms to face him. He's as beautiful as always, his eyes twinkling in the darkness of Jaebum's room, only lit up by the rings glowing outside the window. Jaebum raises his hand to gently trace his fingertips over Jinyoung's thick eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, his cheeks, his lips. How long has it been since he last saw him, four, five months? Probably only a week or two for Jinyoung, though.  


 

"Missed me?" Jinyoung asks with a wry smile and Jaebum snorts, his hand dropping down.  


 

"You wish," he replies, but he snuggles closer to Jinyoung anyway. He knows Jinyoung knows. "But Hyunjin did."  


 

Jinyoung hums in acknowledgement. "How is he adapting?"  


 

"Great. He's a little shy but very energetic. He made friends already. And he learns fast." The conversation makes Jaebum feel weird, like they're raising a kid together or something. Which is ridiculous. They're not even a couple.  


 

"That's good to know. Listen, I—" Jinyoung furrows his brows, pausing as if to gather his thoughts. "I know you're tired of hearing this, but we're getting close. We found a map at the Orion Market. It leads to the Garrthea system."  


 

"Garrthea?" Jaebum frowns. "That's dangerous. The black hole-"  


 

"I know." The fierce determination Jaebum sees in Jinyoung's eyes stuns him into silence. Jinyoung is as passionate about finding Eden as Jaebum used to be— except, unlike Jaebum, he's level headed, sure. He's determined to help where Jaebum had been desperate to prove himself. "I'll be careful. But I wanted to ask you to come with me. I think we'll really find it this time."  


 

Jaebum sighs. "Jinyoungie— you know I can't. I hope you find it, but—"  


 

"It's okay." Jinyoung's expression is gentle. "You don't need to explain yourself. I just wanted to ask— just in case." This time he's the one to touch Jaebum's face, cupping his cheek, running his thumb along his bottom lip. Jaebum wants to say something, wants to finally tell Jinyoung that he missed him, and he will miss him, that he always misses him— but then Jinyoung leans in to kiss him. It's sweet at first, their lips brushing against each other gently, but then Jinyoung pins him to the bed, kissing him harder, until they both can't breathe, and then some more.  


 

He ends up not saying much apart from 'more' and 'please' that night.  


 

The next day he watches Hyunjin run into Jinyoung's arms, watches Jinyoung pick him up and spin him around, both of them laughing. He watches them talk, Jinyoung's expression filled with warmth as he listens to Hyunjin excitedly telling him about the kittens, new plants they discovered on Luyten and new friends he's made.  


 

His heart is so full it feels like it's going to explode. He's so proud of Jinyoung, of the person he's become, and even if it hurts he's okay with watching him leave over and over, as long as he always comes back, as long as they can have peaceful moments like this.  


 

He doesn't know he will soon regret not coming with Jinyoung this time.  


 

———  


 

Hyunjin is older now. Jaebum has been there all along, has watched him grow up, but it only strikes him now, as he watches Hyunjin confidently balance on the rocks in the water, jumping from one to another without pause like he's been doing it since he was born. He's still shorter than Jaebum but not by much, and he has long limbs which come useful in their profession. Gathering samples often requires climbing and jumping— like Lara Croft, Hyunjin told him excitedly, and Jaebum laughed at that. Kids here think some pop culture characters were real people that lived back on Earth and nobody has the heart to tell them otherwise.  


 

"Lara was not a botanist," he corrected him, but Hyunjin just shrugged.  


 

"She would be if she lived here."  


 

Jaebum can't disagree. Maybe she would be. There is no work here for an archeologist, no old civilizations that could leave their traces, no hidden temples full of intricate booby-traps. Luyten is rich in life, especially underwater life, but none of it is intelligent enough to form a society.  


 

"Got one!" Hyunjin exclaims, holding up a jar. Inside there's one of Luyten's rare plants, one that floats on water, shaped like a boat with a glowing flower inside. It looks like something you'd read about in fairytales; it reminds Jaebum of the mythological magical fern flower.  


 

"Great, now come back here and don't slip. We need to collect some herbs." They've found plants with various useful properties while exploring Luyten; some of them similar to plants they know from Earth, some completely different. Most grow underwater— in lakes, rivers, in the sea. The only surface vegetation they know of is big bushes of hard, bluish leaves and the small, brown dry plant that resembles grass; they have no problem growing in Luyten's rocky soil. They don't touch them— they don't have much nutritional or medical value but they are crucial to keeping the delicate balance of the planet's atmosphere.  


 

Hyunjin pouts. "Again?" he whines, but he obediently returns to the bank.  


 

They spend a few hours picking up, analyzing and sorting various plants. It's tedious work but Jaebum doesn't mind; summer nights on Luyten are peaceful and beautiful, with the lamp flowers floating on water basking everything in soft, green light. It's a big contrast from the dangerously cold winter with its violent sand and ice storms.  


 

Jaebum glances at Hyunjin; he's humming as he sorts the plants, analyzing their leaves. He seems to enjoy the work more than Jaebum does. Jaebum still likes it, but it's less challenging nowadays. The corps have been adapting well, they have more than enough food to feed the colony. He and Hyunjin and two other botanists, Yeji and Seungmin, have discovered and catalogued thousands of Luyten's native plants. There's always something to do, but these days it feels like he's not really needed anymore. The kids can handle it.  


 

On nights like this, even though he's occupied with work, more often than not he catches looking himself at the sky. And not at Luyten's beautiful rings, but at the stars. At the unknown. And sometimes, when he allows himself to think about it at all, he wonders if Jinyoung is somewhere out there. He wonders which star is it that he's close to— if it's one he can see from Luyten at all.  


 

It's been four years since he last saw Jinyoung. And even though the worst, the numbing pain, the fear, the frustration, all those intense feelings have already passed, it still hurts to think about him. So Jaebum avoids it most of the time. But sometimes he wonders— what it would be like if he agreed to come with Jinyoung. Would they be together now?  


 

"Jaebummie!" Hyunjin's soft voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He's smiling, showing Jaebum something in the palm of his hand. Jaebum leans closer; it's a small vine with sparkling blue flowers on it. He's never seen one like this before.  


 

"It's pretty," he says, and Hyunjin beams. "Put it in a vial, we should examine it."  


 

It's fine, he thinks. He misses Jinyoung more than anything, but he's his own person, he doesn't need Jinyoung to be happy. The life he has here is enough.  


 

"Are we going home now?" Hyunjin asks, and Jaebum nods, smiling.  


 

"Yeah, let's go home."  


 

———  


 

Bambam has been telling him that he needs to get laid and that he should try the recently developed hookup app; after months of convincing, Jaebum finally agrees. It's a better alternative than going clubbing and having sex with some random guy. The app is supposed to find you someone you will be compatible with it.  


 

It takes him too long to make his profile, and not just because he takes a few breaks to play with Mars who keeps meowing for his attention. The cats, just like most humans, have been implanted with artificial nanobots that prolong their lifespan, which is a good thing in general, except Mars is seven years old now and still behaves like a kitten. Then again, nanobots don't affect your mental age. Maybe that's just Mars's personality. Jaebum's body stopped aging when he turned 19 but he definitely doesn't feel like a teenager anymore.  


 

Once he fills out his ideal type chart Jaebum realizes he pretty much described Jinyoung. The notion stings. Not because he's angry or bitter, but because he knows no one he meets will be able to compare, even if they have a lot of Jinyoung's qualities. And besides, he's not looking for a replacement. Maybe he should go for someone completely different. He goes through the chart again and changes everything except for sexual preferences; he's definitely not looking for a bottom.  


 

He looks over his profile again and, before he can change his mind, he presses "match me".  


 

Only five profiles pop up; Jaebum wasn't expecting more, the colony population has been growing rapidly over the past few years but it isn't that big yet and surely not everyone uses the app.  


 

He doesn't especially care who he hookups with anyway. He picks the first guy and through a few short messages they make plans to meet in the evening.  


 

"You look young," is the first thing the guy tells him. He looks like he's in his late twenties, which means he can be anything between 25 and 70. He's handsome but not outstandingly so. Jaebum is already opening his mouth to explain but the guy continues, "Wait, aren't you the botanist?" He frowns. "I've heard you're, like, a robot."  


 

Jaebum bites his lip. He knows people talk, probably because he's been there for a while but his body stopped growing older when he turned 20. "I was born, not created," he says. "But I am… partly artificial." It's the core crystal that keeps him young. Human lifespan can reach 250 years now but for him, it might be much longer. Or much shorter. The crystal is powerful but not very stable.  


 

"Oh." The guy shrugs. "That's not a big deal, is it. Most of us have enhancements these days. But just so you know," he gives a smirk, "my dick didn't need any."  


 

Jaebum laughs at the joke, to cover his embarrassment rather than out of amusement. They don't talk much after that— the guy complains about the lack of good alcohol and cheese, talks a bit about his job. And then they move to his place.  


 

The man fucks him hard and fast, his grip bruising on Jaebum's hip, his other hand pushing his head into the bed. It feels so good after so long, to feel full like this. But at the same time it doesn't feel right. Jinyoung has fucked him like this before, doggy style, hard fast and messy, and yet it didn't feel so impersonal, co cold. Something about having someone he barely knows inside him makes his skin crawl. He's always been a private person, not the type to make many friends or sleep around.  


 

Still, the orgasm feels good, better than when he touches himself. It definitely feels good to relieve some of the tension. Maybe he's just not used to one night stands. Maybe he should do it more often. He tells himself that as he showers, carefully washing off every trace the man left on his body.  


 

He never does it again.  


 

———  


 

At first he thinks it's a dream. Jinyoung hovering over him, his face so close to Jaebum's, his breath hot on his skin— it must be a dream. Not the first time he's dreaming of Jinyoung, either.  


 

But it feels too real. Jinyoung is too solid when Jaebum wraps his arms around him, there are too many details for it to be a dream. The way Jinyoung's lips feel slightly chapped when he kisses him, the way Jaebum can smell that characteristic metallic scent on him, the sound he makes as he slips his tongue into Jaebum's mouth.  


 

He opens his eyes. "Jinyoung? Jinyoungie?" His voice is trembling; he doesn't understand. How can Jinyoung be here? It's been so long, too long, and fuck, his heart hurts, it's pounding so fast. Jinyoung pulls back to look at him and the heat in his eyes makes Jaebum squirm.  


 

"I want you," he sounds breathless, a desperate edge to his voice, and though Jaebum has so many questions, there's no way he can say no. He doesn't want to say no. He wants Jinyoung so much— it's really been too long. Maybe after all this time his feelings should be different, colder, but they aren't. He loves Jinyoung deeply, desperately, the way he always has.  


 

So he pulls Jinyoung closer, parting his lips for more kisses, and then, just as easily, opening his legs for him. Letting him slip inside. First his fingers— urgent, stretching him quickly but thoroughly. Jaebum has fingered himself only yesterday so his body is still relaxed. He wonders what Jinyoung thinks of it, if he can tell.  


 

And then his cock, filling him completely; it feels so good for a moment he forgets how to breathe. Nothing can compare to the way Jinyoung feels inside him; it's like his body was made for it, made for taking Jinyoung's cock. Sometimes Jinyoung tells him just that, calls him his needy little slut, because he knows how much Jaebum likes hearing it from the way it makes him moan and clench around his cock. But there are no dirty words now; Jinyoung is quiet now as he fucks Jaebum, his mouth busy with kissing him, hard and messy and desperate, like he can't get enough of him. It makes Jaebum melt completely under him, the pleasure becomes more and more intense and before he knows it he's coming, clutching onto Jinyoung like he's scared he's going to disappear once it's over.  


 

He is scared.  


 

A moment later Jinyoung lies down next to him and Jaebum doesn't take his eyes off him. He's beautiful, flushed and panting, his lips swollen from kisses, his eyes shining. He smiles at Jaebum softly and Jaebum returns it tentatively, trying to calm his hammering heart. He has so many questions to ask, he doesn't even know where to start.  


 

"You feel… softer," Jinyoung says, giving his thigh a light squeeze. Jaebum's eyes widen at that— he supposes he does, a bit. He still exercises regularly but he focuses on stretching nowadays, making sure he maintains his flexibility. It's what Kihyun recommended after Jaebum injured his back while exploring the planet.  


 

But of course Jinyoung doesn't know all that. Even though it happened two years ago, long enough for Jaebum to overcome the trauma and not think about falling anymore each time he climbs the rocky hills of Luyten's landscape.  


 

It's been so long. A big part of Jaebum's life without seeing Jinyoung at all. He almost got used to it. Almost, because suddenly it hurts so much again, and his vision is blurring—  


 

"It's been five years, Jinyoungie," he whispers shakily, and he can feel Jinyoung freeze beside him.  


 

"Five years?" he repeats after a moment, voice strangled, filled with disbelief. "This long? Fuck. It's been two months for me— and I missed you so much— but five years, I can't even imagine—" he pauses, examining Jaebum's face, eyes full of doubt. "Jaebum, do you still— I'm sorry for just barging in here and—"  


 

Jaebum cuts him off by pressing a quick peck to his lips, gently cupping his face. "It's alright," he says, even though his voice trembles a little and his eyes are still wet. "I'm glad you're here."  


 

"It must have been that planet in Garrthea system." Jinyoung sounds distressed. "The one orbiting the black hole. We spent only a few minutes there but— shit, I knew a lot of time passed but I didn't realize—" He exhales shakily. "But listen— we found it. We're sure Eden is in that system, a field of energy shows up in the readings in the exact spot marked on the map, but we can't see it. They say there's a key, I just need to find it."  


 

A key. This is what his parents, the doctors and other people involved in Eden project told him he was. But… it can't be. He already accepted that he wasn't special. He's been in Garrthea system before and he saw nothing out of ordinary.  


 

Unless… Seungyoon once told him that maybe the key needs to be out of his body. He can hear it now, the gentle hum of energy louder now that Jinyoung is next to him.  


 

He can't bring himself to say anything. If it's true then— would Jinyoung choose him or the legendary planet he's been chasing after for so long? He's not ready to find out. He will tell Jinyoung. Soon. But not now— not when he just got him back after so long.  


 

"That's great. I'm happy you found it." In truth he doesn't know how to feel about it. Of course Eden is important, but they're doing so well on Luyten. Do they really need another planet? Still, if it really stores the DNA of all the lost species, then finding it is more important than anything.  


 

Jinyoung looks at him for a moment, eyes searching, then he sighs, pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry," he whispers against his hair. "I never meant to leave for so long. And… I'm sorry that I have to leave again."  


 

Jaebum tries so hard not to tear up all over again. He fails. Jinyoung's scent and warmth, his voice, his smile. The sound of his laugh, his jokes, his teasing. He's missed it all so much. He doesn't want Jinyoung to leave again.  


 

But Jinyoung doesn't belong to him and Jaebum can't hold him back. For the first time ever, he finds himself thinking it's a little unfair. Because though Jinyoung is not his, he's Jinyoung's, he always has been.  


 

———  


 

It doesn't take long for Jinyoung to come back this time. Jaebum is in the labs talking to Lisa, the colony's best zoologist, about the possibility of rising livestock, when Yeji comes in to tell him Jinyoung is waiting for him.  


 

Jaebum's heart is pounding in his chest as he rushes to the space port to meet him— but once he sees Jinyoung he can immediately tell something is wrong. Jinyoung is standing in front of his ship, with his hands in his pockets, his expression cold as he watches Jaebum approach. Jaebum doesn't remember Jinyoung ever looking at him that way, not even when they argued. He has a bad feeling about this. So he stops himself from just running to hug Jinyoung— instead he walks up to him, wondering what could have happened.  


 

"Jinyoungie? I'm glad you're—-"  


 

"How could you do that?" Jinyoung's voice is shaking. Jaebum's heart sinks— he's never heard Jinyoung sound so hurt. "How could you hide it from me? You know how much I sacrificed to find Eden. I know you don't care anymore." That's not true, I care, Jaebum wants to say, but his voice is stuck in his throat. "But you do realize how important it is. All the lost species…" Jinyoung pauses, shaking his head. "It's our responsibility to bring them back. And as long as there was the slightest chance, I wasn't going to give up. But you had the key all along and you never told me." Jinyoung looks into his eyes, like he's hoping for Jaebum to tell him it's not true. "Why?"  


 

"I— before, I didn't think it mattered. And when I realized maybe it did, I was scared," he admits, deciding honesty is the only right way to go about it. He hopes Jinyoung will understand. "It's just. I got used to the idea that I wasn't needed. That I didn't have to be part of the Eden Project. And… I found something else I could be part of. So suddenly realizing you might need the key after all— it scared me."  


 

Jinyoung is quiet for a moment, his gaze heavy as he examines Jaebum's face. Then he sighs, and looks away. "You've changed so much I barely recognize you. Giving up on something so important just because you're scared…"  


 

"I didn't give up!" Jaebum protests. "I just wasn't ready to tell you. I needed to think about it first."  


 

Jinyoung snorts. "Think about it? How long? You were okay with thinking about it while I waste my time looking for something that's been here all along? Did you want me gone for another five years?"  


 

That hurts. A lot. So much it stuns Jaebum into silence. He realizes, all of sudden, that Jinyoung doesn't fully understand how much his absence affected Jaebum. How much it hurt him. Sure, Jinyoung apologized. But still, for him it was just two months. He doesn't even realize how scared Jaebum was, doesn't know what it felt like to fear that he had lost him forever.  


 

"That's a cruel thing to say, Jinyoungie," he says softly. Jinyoung meets his eyes again; he's still angry but now there's a hint of uncertainty, like he's realizing he doesn't know the whole story. But Jaebum feels tired. Maybe five years ago, he would have defended himself. He would have argued. Maybe he really did change. Or maybe he's just too hurt now to even think let alone talk about it. "Do you know all about the key?"  


 

Jinyoung swallows dryly. "Seungyoon told me all I need to know." Seungyoon. His parents were involved with the project and he was the one who told Jaebum the crystal needed to be pulled out of the host's body. Which would most likely be fatal to the host.  


 

"And you still want to use it?"  


 

Jinyoung frowns. "Of course. The humanity's fate depends on it."  


 

So Jinyoung knows that and he's still willing to go through with it. It hurts, of course. But in a way, Jaebum is proud of him. So committed to the cause. Even back when his life revolved around finding Eden, Jaebum could never be this devoted. He would never let anyone hurt Jinyoung.  


 

Maybe he really is selfish. He loves Jinyoung too much. And a part of him wishes Jinyoung loved him back enough to give up on his dream.  


 

"You're right," he says softly. "I've been selfish. I'll… make arrangements. You can get the crystal soon."  


 

Jinyoung narrows his eyes. "And? That's all?"  


 

"What else is there?" Jaebum is genuinely confused. He's too hurt to even try to understand.  


 

"I thought you would want to see— no, never mind." Jinyoung laughs shortly. "You really are… a different person."  


 

And that's how the conversation ends. Jinyoung turns around and leaves, just like that. And once the roar of the spaceship engine fades off, all Jaebum can hear is the hum of the crystal and his own quiet sobs.  


 

Funny, he thinks, how even now, the intense emotions Jinyoung rises in him are making the crystal stronger. In a way, he supposed the key has always been Jinyoung's— he's the one that made it strong enough to possibly reveal Eden.  


 

It's only fair that he should get it, no matter the cost.  


 

———  


 

He asks Kihyun to help him. He doesn't want to get anyone involved but it's either that or rip the crystal out of his chest. Which would definitely end badly for him. At least if Kihyun replaces it with a power generator he has a chance to survive. Artificial hearts are nothing unusual and most people adapt to them immediately nowadays.  


 

Unfortunately Jaebum is not most people.  


 

"It's very likely that you will…" Kihyun trails off, giving him a look full of concern. "Are you sure you want to do it?"  


 

Jaebum shrugs. "Isn't that what I was made for? My parents sold me to the project. And there's no other way."  


 

Kihyun doesn't look convinced by that reply. "There's always a way, Jaebum."  


 

"Not this time," Jaebum says quietly. "All the other kids with energy implants are most likely dead. It has to be me."  


 

"But Jinyoung-"  


 

"Jinyoung asked me to." He's proud of himself for keeping his voice steady. He looks into Kihyun's eyes. "Please. Help me."  


 

Although reluctant, Kihyun eventually agrees. Jaebum instructs him to pass the crystal to Jinyoung in case he doesn't wake up after the surgery. He knows he most likely won't.  


 

And he's right; he doesn't.  


 

At least not at first. For a while his mind is too hazy to register anything. There are only moments of consciousness and he can't tell where he is or how much time has passed, he's barely aware that he's actually conscious. He can't see much. He thinks he hears voices at times but he's not sure.  


 

And then he recognizes Hyunjin. He's sitting by the bed, yes cast down, a sad expression on his face. Then he looks at Jaebum's face and his eyes widen— he's saying something, tone urgent, but Jaebum can't differentiate the words. He drifts off again.  


 

He wakes up a few times after that but it's all brief. There's always someone with him though. Mostly Hyunjin. Sometimes Yeji or Seungmin, Bambam, Sungwoon. He's starting to feel more and more too. He can tell when someone holds his hand. He can smell things. And there's something else, a strange hollow sensation in his chest. He's not sure if it's real or he's just imagining it because he knows what happened.  


 

Or maybe it's not physical at all.  


 

And then— then there's Jinyoung.  


 

At first he thinks he must be dreaming. Why would Jinyoung be here with him? But then it's all Jinyoung. Always by his side. Sometimes quietly reading. Sometimes reading out loud to him in that low, steady voice Jaebum adores the most. Sometimes holding his hand, or gently touching his hair. Sometimes crying.  


 

Jaebum hates to hear him cry. Jinyoung doesn't cry often and when he does, Jaebum can't stand it. He hates to see him hurt. All he wants is to be able to make things better.  


 

And then he realizes— that hollow feeling is gone. He's starting to feel whole again. He can get better. He hopes when he wakes up for good Jinyoung will be smiling.  


 

———  


 

But Jinyoung is not there when Jaebum regains consciousness. Instead it's Kihyun, and as soon as he confirms Jaebum is really awake, he makes him drink a thick warm mixture that soothes his parched throat immediately, and then starts typing something on the panel by the bed. It's his usual no nonsense attitude but Jaebum can tell Kihyun is relieved.  


 

"You've been asleep for a month," Kihyun informs him before Jaebum can ask. "I've been worried that—" his voice trembles slightly and he shakes his head. "But never mind, you're awake now. You got everyone worried sick." He glances at the panel. "You lost weight. You better eat a lot. I'm going to put the IV on regeneration mode but you still need to start exercising as soon as you're able to get up."  


 

Jaebum smiles— as expected, Kihyun is already nagging even though Jaebum barely opened his eyes.  


 

He glances at the door, but no one seems to be coming. He wonders if it was just a dream after all. He bites his lip.  


 

"Jinyoungie—" he says, voice still weak. Before he can form a full sentence, Kihyun rolls his eyes.  


 

"I had to keep chasing him out of here or he wouldn't eat or sleep at all. But I don't doubt he will be back soon." He gives Jaebum a thoughtful look. "I've never seen him this emotional. You two really have something profound, don't you."  


 

Jaebum shrugs. If Jinyoung cares about him so much then why did he ask for the crystal? He doesn't know what to think anymore. But he hopes he will know once he talks to Jinyoung.  


 

———  


 

Kihyun was not wrong— Jinyoung comes back soon.  


 

"Why didn't you tell me?" is the first thing he says as he walks into the room, startling Jaebum. The regeneration drip already started working and he's able to sit up now, although he's leaning back on a pile of pillows. He takes in Jinyoung's appearance; he's wearing jeans and a simple gray sweater, it's oversized enough for the sleeves to be too long but still a bit tight around the chest area. Even so, Jinyoung looks soft— but also very tired, like he hasn't slept in years.  


 

"Tell you what?" Jaebum asks, confused.  


 

"That the crystal— that it could hurt you. God, I was so worried and so angry at myself— Jaebum, I'm so sorry." Jinyoung sits on the edge of the bed and up close Jaebum can see there are tears in his eyes.  


 

"I thought you knew," he whispers.  


 

"What?" Jinyoung's eyes widen. "If I knew, I'd never— I'd never ask you to do it." His voice is trembling, he's choking on his words and Jaebum just wants to hold him. But he still feels so weak.  


 

"It's okay. I didn't mind doing it for you." It was yours, he thinks, powered by my feelings for you.  


 

Jinyoung sniffs and wipes his eyes with his hands. "I don't want you to do something like that for me." He pauses, exhaling a shaky breath. "All I wanted is for you to be with me."  


 

Jaebum stills— what is Jinyoung saying, what does he mean? But before he can ask, Jinyoung wraps his arms around him and hugs him tight. Jaebum can feel wetness against his neck— Jinyoung's tears.  


 

"I was so scared I'd lose you."  


 

Jaebum closes his eyes. Jinyoung heart is pounding so fast. Suddenly Jaebum realizes that it doesn't matter they never made it official. It doesn't matter that they tried not to get too involved. They love each other, and words can't change that. Not even being apart for years could change that on Jaebum's part. And somehow he's sure it'd be like that for Jinyoung too.  


 

He wonders if the people behind Eden project purposely chose people with psychological profiles like Jaebum's. People who loved so deeply they'd die for it. So strongly their feelings could overcome time and space.  


 

But it doesn't matter anymore. It's over. The crystal is not inside him anymore, but his feelings for Jinyoung are as strong as always. He returns the hug, gently, soothingly running his hand up and down Jinyoung's back.  


 

"I'm not going anywhere you aren't," he promises, and he means it.  


 

"Come with me," Jinyoung says urgently, pulling back to look at him.  


 

"Jinyoungie—" he starts, lips curling up in a smile, but Jinyoung cuts him off as if he's afraid he's going to say no.  


 

"It worked— and it wasn't just a planet, it was a wormhole, it leads to a system with four habitable planets— and we need a botanist, there's so much to do— we can take Mars!"  


 

Jaebum has the urge to laugh— of course Jinyoung would think that's what's most important to him. But well, he's not wrong. Jaebum is not going anywhere without his favorite cat.  


 

"Just please— please come with me."  


 

"Jinyoungie," he repeats, smiling. He's already made his decision a long time ago. He's had enough time to find himself again. And now he knows he wants to explore new worlds again. He misses it, travelling. He misses the freedom, the unknown. And also, he wants to be with Jinyoung. "I'll go anywhere with you."  


 

For a moment Jinyoung just stares at him, dumfounded, and Jaebum can't help but laugh at his expression. That in turn makes Jinyoung smile brightly, eye wrinkles and all. Jaebum feels better just seeing that smile.  


 

And he knows— they're together. They're in love.  


 

———  


 

"I want you," Jaebum sighs and Jinyoung curses under his breath, gripping his hips as Jaebum rubs his ass against Jinyoung's clothed cock. It's meant to be teasing but it probably looks more desperate with the way he moans softly, his body flushing, at how hard Jinyoung is. He woke Jinyoung up just a moment ago, climbing on top of him and kissing him, but Jinyoung seems fully awake now, eyes dark, gaze smothering, his grip steady as he holds Jaebum by the hips.  


 

It turns Jaebum on so much.  


 

"Can I ride you?"  


 

"Fuck yeah," Jinyoung groans.  


 

The cabin beds are far from ideal when it comes to having sex but Jaebum doesn't care as long as he can feel Jinyoung inside him. Just lowering himself on his cock feels so good, the sensation of being stretched making him moan out loud. He can't help it, he loves feeling full, and while he likes toys, nothing's better than Jinyoung's cock.  


 

"Yeah, baby, you're taking it so well," Jinyoung praises; Jaebum whines, not sure if it's the praise or the pet name or just the sound of Jinyoung's voice, deep and still rough from sleep, that makes him feel hot all over. He loves pleasing Jinyoung more than anything so he goes all the way down and immediately starts moving, moaning at the sensation of Jinyoung's cock sliding in and out of him. Jinyoung is still looking at him with those heavy, lust clouded eyes, so intense it makes him shiver, and his hands are roaming over Jaebum's body, touching his chest, his sides, his hips, his legs, like he wants to memorize it. Jaebum chuckles, breathless, when Jinyoung squeezes his thighs.  


 

"Not that soft anymore, huh?"  


 

It took him time to recover, and then even more to get fit enough for space travel, but his muscles are back now, and his thighs are strong and thick.  


 

Jinyoung grins. "You look beautiful. But you always do."  


 

"I know," Jaebum replies, trying to be smug, but he just sounds out of breath and he still gets a bit embarrassed, avoiding Jinyoung's dark, intense gaze. He finds himself looking through the window on the opposite wall, watching the endless ocean of the universe dotted with countless twinkling stars. It's strange, that in this tiny ship floating in the incomprehensible vastness of space, he feels safe. It feels like home.  


 

He closes his eyes, picking up the pace; Jinyoung's moan encourages him to keep going fast. He stops thinking, completely losing himself in pleasure. When he comes, he feels it in his entire body; most of the time it's like this with Jinyoung, so intense he forgets to breathe.  


 

Once it's over Jinyoung pulls him into a kiss, wet and sloppy. He feels Jinyoung's come trickling down his thigh; Jinyoung curses quietly against his lips, fingers brushing against the sensitive skin of Jaebum's inner thigh.  


 

"We need to shower," Jaebum says before Jinyoung can say something dirty.  


 

Jinyoung pouts. "Way to ruin the mood, I was just thinking how hot you are."  


 

"You mean your dick was thinking," Jaebum laughs. "Thanks but I'd rather be hot and clean."  


 

"Well, my dick thinks about you a lot."  


 

"Then your dick is creepy."  


 

Jaebum loves seeing that twinkle of mirth in Jinyoung's eyes more than anything, even when it means he's about to get teased. "Oh, and here I thought you liked it from how much you beg for it."  


 

Jaebum feels himself flush. "You know, I'm having second thoughts about coming with you," he grumbles.  


 

The corners of Jinyoung's lips curl up in a playful smile. "Too bad you're stuck with me," he says, tone soft as he runs his hands up and down Jaebum's sides.  


 

Jaebum sighs, smiling as he looks down at Jinyoung, suddenly overcome with fondness. "Yeah, too bad," he whispers, leaning down for another kiss, this time gentle and sweet.  


 

He misses Luyten a little, and he misses Hyunjin and the others a lot, but he's so excited to see the new planets. And maybe, eventually, he can settle on one of them with Jinyoung. Maybe they can have a home— a physical one not just the feeling.  


 

But for now, he decides the feeling is more than enough.  


 


End file.
